we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
