im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
