So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
