great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
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No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
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How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize