obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize