I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.