and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.