Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT