Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
