I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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