If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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