so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
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Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
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That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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