Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
How's work?
Spinning.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
