community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
