I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
