Fine. I'll sleep in my office
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
