You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
