its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize