im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
