I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
