drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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