I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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