Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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