I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
