u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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