I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
