in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
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dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
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and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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