turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
