we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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