Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize