You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
