if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
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We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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