A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
