I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
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I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
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How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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