I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
