i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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