U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
