sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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