Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize