??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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