I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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