My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
