hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize