Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
