What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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