like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life