Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."