god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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