Sponge bath it is.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
