3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The struggles of a small town man whore
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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