'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
