Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I understand Curling. That high.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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