This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
