life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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