I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
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